


Room to Breathe

by lullabelle



Category: Torchwood
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-03-18
Updated: 2010-03-18
Packaged: 2018-01-07 11:47:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,927
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1119457
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lullabelle/pseuds/lullabelle
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After her time in a UNIT cell, the world is Tosh's cage.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Room to Breathe

**Author's Note:**

> Written for tw_lucky_7, the prompt being "greed." This fic didn't want to happen. You can kinda still see the prompt, if you squint.

Toshiko Sako shifts from foot to foot in the lobby of a 3 star hotel. She's aware of the sideways looks she's getting from members of the staff. She's grimy. She hasn't had a proper wash in almost six months. They must think she's a homeless person. She's glad she'd at least been able to change out of the UNIT jumpsuit -- then they'd _really_ be staring at her. She is wearing the same clothes she had been when she was first arrested. They hang on her now. She wishes everyone would stop looking at her. She wishes she had followed the man who had taken her out of the UNIT holding facility up to the counter, but whatever he is saying to the clerk... she doesn't care to know. He could be offering an explanation for her, or he could be discussing the weather... she just doesn't have the will to deal with anyone right now. The man finally turns away from the desk and comes toward her, but continues right past where she stands with a curt, "Follow me."

He's halfway down the hall before his order even registers with her, and then she's so intent on catching up that she's already chased him into the lift before she realizes where he's led her. The door slides shut, and Tosh feels like her guts have been dropped into dry ice. It's even smaller in here than it had been in her cell. The walls press in on her, and her heart jumps to her throat. She can hear her own pulse in her head, and she sways. The man, who had introduced himself as one Captain Jack Harkness, steadies her by the elbow without even looking at her. When the door slides open, she launches herself into the hallway, a little surprised by her own speed. She braces her hands against her knees and pauses to gulp air. Jack takes the lead again with barely a pause, and she again finds herself scurrying to catch up. She nearly slams into him when he stops in front of a door. "This is you." He opens it with a keycard, which he then hands to her. He holds the door open with one arm, clearly expecting her to go in. She does so, hesitantly. He stays standing in the door, holding it open while he talks. She's grateful that he doesn't come all the way into the room with her. "There are some clothes on the bed for you. Relax, get cleaned up, charge some dinner to the room, anything you want. I'll come to get you in the morning." He catches her gaze. She must look about as lost as she feels, because he smiles at her, briefly but sincerely, "You're going to be fine."

The door swings shut.

Tosh is alone.

The room is modest but big, which she is profoundly grateful for, and nicely furnished. The bed looks unbelievably inviting, but not as inviting as the idea of a shower. She moves into the bathroom like a sleepwalker, but as soon as the bathroom door swings shut behind her, she realizes there is a flaw in her plan. The bathroom is very small. She can't stay in here. She takes a deep breath and makes herself exit the bathroom slowly, instead of running like with the lift.

She solves the problem by, after making sure the door to he hallway is firmly locked, propping the bathroom door open with the desk chair. When the chair's not heavy enough, she takes the in-room safe and puts it on the seat. She thinks that it's stupid to have a safe that you can so easily just remove from a room and worry about breaking into later, but it's not like she's keeping anything in it. She showers with the curtain open. She's okay, as long as she can see the exit.

Tosh scrubs herself until she's sure she's lost a layer of skin. Or three. The near-scalding water is the best thing she's ever felt. She has no idea how much time has past when she finally stumbles out of the shower and wraps a towel around herself. On the bed there's a pair of flannel pants and an oversize t-shirt for bedclothes, some underwear, jeans, and a fitted t-shirt. The jeans are two sizes smaller than the ones she was wearing when she arrived. She has no doubt they'll fit.

She throws on the t-shirt and flannel pants, not bothering with the underwear. She pulls back the blankets and climbs in, but it doesn't feel right. In the end she pulls a pillow free, remakes the bed, and sleeps on top of everything. She sleeps on her side, curled into a tight ball, the same way she's slept for months.

***

Jack takes Tosh into the hub via the invisible lift. She can't stop gawking. There is so much to see in this place, she feels like a kid in a candy store. Technology she's only heard of in theory, and technology she's never heard of at all -- it's all here waiting for her to come figure it out. She meets Suzie, who seems nice, and is amused by her enthusiasm. Suzie shows her a device that will translate any language -- spoken or written -- in the known universe, and Tosh cannot wait to play with it.

But wait she must.

Jack continues the tour by showing her the hothouse, the morgue, the (unmanned) tourist information office that serves as their public face, his office, and the lower levels. The lower levels consist of hall after hall after hall of cells. After the first floor she's shaking. Jack continues his spiel as if he hasn't noticed her distress, though she's almost positive he has. She gets the impression that not much gets past him. He shows her another level where the cells are a little bigger, designed specifically for nonhuman entities. She breathes deep and slow and through her mouth. She does not panic upon meeting her first Weevil, but she thinks that's only because she's focusing so hard on not panicking in general. After the third sublevel, Jack takes pity on her, and shows her the archives.

She gets the impression she may have just passed a test.

***

For the first month she asks Jack, every day, for permission to use the invisible lift when coming and going. He always grants it.

On the twenty-seventh day of her employment, she takes the stairs. She makes herself walk slowly. She's not completely enclosed. She can go up; she can go down, and either one is her choice. There's freedom of movement. Even so, she jogs the last twelve, as soon as the exit is in sight.

She takes the stairs from then on. Every day, it gets easier.

***

Tosh takes pride in her work. She enjoys it. She _loves_ it even. She likes to puzzle things out. She absolutely lives for that moment when everything comes together. Some of those moments she has to work harder for than others.

When she's stumped, she's taken to standing with her back to the water tower and staring up towards the ceiling.

Jack's seen her do it before. He thinks it's quirky. One day, he sidles up beside her and asks, "Why here?"

"Hm?" she asks.

"When you're deep in thought. Why this spot?"

"Because I can see the most empty space from here. I can almost forget I'm underground," she says absently.

He stands next her a moment longer, leaning against the rail. She wishes he'd leave; she'd been crunching logarithms in her head, but as long as she knows Jack is standing next to her, she will just be thinking about the fact that Jack is standing next to her. "You know, you can take a walk whenever you need to. You don't have to stay down here all day." She thinks he sounds concerned, but she's probably imagining it. Jack is usually pretty good about only letting you hear the things he wants you to hear.

She smiles a little. "I know."

Her cage has grown exponentially larger.

"I'm bringing you a friend."

She frowns, feeling suddenly defensive. Is she so pathetic that Jack feels the need to set her up on a play date? Her only reply is an inquisitive glance.

"Torchwood's getting a new member. Starts tomorrow. He's a medic."

"Ah." She wishes she knew what reaction Jack was expecting from her, so that it could be the one she gave. "Neat."

***

Tosh has some free time. Not a lot, between working on whatever tasks Jack throws her way, and sometimes assisting in field work.

Sometimes she assists in field work. She can't help but feel proud.

But there are times when she's not working. There used to be, in the beginning, long stretches where she'd be content to just stare into space. And then there were whole months where she just spent her free time reading. But now she is beginning to get bored. She knows this is good. This is shock wearing off, this is life coming back to her.

She finds herself spending a lot of time by the sea. It seems to stretch forever. She likes to stand at the rails along the edge of the bay, her feet on the first rung and her knees braced against the second. She stretches her arms out, feels the breeze, and tries not to think of _Titanic_. Sometimes she closes her eyes. She doesn't have to see the slate gray expanse before her to know it's there.

***

She knows she's lonely, but doesn't know what to do about it. She can't make friends, because she can't relate to anyone. She'd had enough trouble before, but it's pretty much impossible now. Suzie's fine, but she's such a different creature than Tosh. She wouldn't even know where to begin. And Jack's Jack. He's her boss, he's a mystery, and as much as she wants to forget it, he's her warden. She genuinely likes him, and trusts him implicitly even if sometimes logic tells her not to, but she doesn't think she can ever really be his friend.

So she ends up alone at a bar on a rainy Friday evening. She lets a man buy her drinks, and he's boring even by her standards, but she thinks he has a nice smile. She lets him walk her home.

As he's fucking her on her bed (but not _in_ the bed -- she hasn't peeled back the sheets once since making it, preferring to sleep on top) she thinks his eyes are the same color of the stones in her old cell. She wonders how she hadn't noticed before, and tells herself that's why she can't meet his gaze. Instead, she keeps one eye on the bedroom door, which she made him leave open. She would have had him leave the door to her flat open too, if she hadn't thought the neighbors would complain.

When he leaves shortly afterward, she feels nothing but relief. This excersize has not made her feel any less lonely or any less restrained. In a moment of alcohol-fueled clarity she realizes that she isn't escaping her cage, she is just rattling its bars.

***

Tosh is playing with a potentially volatile alien substance when it quite literally blows up in her face. It is louder and flashier than it is harmful, but she still manages to incur some minor burns. Jack is concerned, and then when he sees she's okay, dismissive. Suzie looks at her with pity. Suzie thinks she's completely inept. Brilliant, but useless in all the ways that count.

Owen laughs at her, and her one remaining eyebrow, for five solid minutes, and Tosh thinks she might be in love.

***

Tosh has never had to clean a Weevil cell, though she knows _somebody_ cleans them. Turns out that somebody has always been Jack, Suzie, and now Owen. Tosh has never thought about it much, but Owen's noticed that she's seemingly exempt from Weevil duty. And he wants to know why. Having no good answer for him, she takes up the muck bucket and heads downstairs. The Weevil in the cell in question has already been moved, and it's really not that bad. She's been getting better. Bathrooms don't bother her at all anymore. Lifts don't bother her too much, though that had taken longer. A cell, with the door open, is the next logical step. As long as she can see the exit. As long as she knows she can leave whenever she wants.

She watches helplessly as the cell door slides shut.

***

Two hours later, Tosh answers the door right away. She was half-expecting Jack to show up. She's a little relieved. She doesn't know what it would have meant if he'd waited until the next day to talk to her. She never knows just what he wants from her.

"I'm sorry," she blurts before he can say anything.

Jack can't completely hide his surprise. "What for?"

She takes a deep breath. "Freaking out. Taking off. I thought I had more control than that." She picks up her coat, smiles tensely. "Let's go back to the Hub?"

He stops her by grabbing her shoulders and gently propelling her back into the flat. "Take the night off. Anyway, I need to have words with Owen. You can expect an apology from him tomorrow."

It takes a moment for everything to click. "Wait. You mean _Owen_ did that to me?" Her eyes fill and she curses at herself. She doesn't want to cry in front of Jack. She turns her face away, knowing it's pointless, she can hardly hide when she's standing right in front of him. The hands on her shoulders are suddenly pulling her forward. She ends with her face pressed against Jack's chest. She doesn't remember the last time someone hugged her. Jack's warm. If it were anyone else, she'd think they were running a fever, but it's just one of those things about Jack. He also uses too much starch on his shirts. She forces herself to breathe evenly until the tears pass.

"Are you happy, Tosh?" he asks into her hair.

She's quiet for a long moment. "I'm not sure how to answer that."

"It's a simple question." He amends this with, "Are you happy working for Torchwood?"

She's silent again for a moment and then says, "It would be my dream job." She doesn't add, _If I'd chosen it for myself_ , but she knows Jack hears it.

He nods, and lets her go.

She pulls away reluctantly. When he reaches for the doorknob, she stops him with, "I don't want you to think I'm ungrateful."

His hand stops where it is, hovering.

"You saved me from a fate worse than death, Jack. I can't ever go back to UNIT. I'd die first, and I'm not saying that to be dramatic. If I'm... I'm not _always_ happy here, it's okay. It's so much better than the alternative. It's a price I am more than willing to pay."

Jack straightens up. "You're not going back to UNIT. Not ever. I won't allow it." Then he smiles like he's letting her in on a secret. "You know, it's okay to _want things_ , Tosh."

"Yes," she agrees. "But sometimes I feel like I want _everything_." 

***

"Here," Jack says, casually tossing one small box to Owen, and another to Tosh. She's guessing that the third tucked under his arm is Suzie's. "These ought to make all of our lives easier."

She opens it and can't help grinning. Inside are about fifteen different identification cards, each with her name and picture, declaring her to be everything from MI5 to a Cardiff University student. "This? Is very illegal," she announces.

"This is bloody _brilliant_ ," puts in Owen, and she completely agrees.

She gleefully shuffles through the IDs, wondering why she would ever need to pose as a taxi driver. At the bottom of the box are two passports, one UK and one Japanese. And they're blank.

She opens her mouth to shout something to Jack, and then clamps it shut. Of course he knows he gave her blank passports.

"Hey! Can you make me one that says bikini inspector?" Owen yells.

He was giving her an out. She could take the passports, put in whatever name she wanted, and go. She grinned. He was very deliberately holding open the door to her cell. All she had to do was step out. She'd probably only have a day or two before she was retconned back to grade school, but she's almost positive that Jack would let her go.

He's letting her see the exit.

***

She still doesn't know what she's going to say to Jack by the time she's standing in front of him. In the end, she decides to speak a language she _knows_ he understands. She braces one hand on the arm of his chair and leans in, the second slipping to the back of his neck, and kisses him. Thoroughly.

When she's absolutely certain she's gotten her point across, she pulls away.

"Miss Sato," he intones. She's gratified to see him genuinely surprised, and a little flushed. "I believe this is sexual harassment."

She ignores him. "Thank you."

"What for?"

She clears her throat and straightens up. "Thank you, but I've already got a passport." She gives him a rare, unrestrained smile, and leaves the blank passports on his desk.

She thinks it's probably her turn to clean the Weevil cages.


End file.
